Umm.. Love?

So, let me just say this-- I have learned a lot in the last 3 months. A lot about me, a lot about God, a lot about people. I guess 'a lot' is kind of a relative term. I'm only 19, so 'a lot' to me might be 'a little' to you. But I guess when I say 'a lot' I am thinking of the value of the revelation and truth I've received.
But amongst the lot, I am going to choose the one pearl that shines the brightest just for you. (I hope you feel loved..)

Somewhere in October the Lord began to deal ruthlessly with my pride. You see, I had this fantastic idea of myself in being an incredible leader and amazing disciple-maker. I realized that my role in YWAM with DTS (Discipleship Training School) students is more like the influence of an older brother than a seasoned father. After, I realized that I felt very freed to be myself. Go figure.

Now recently the MAD DTS was in Byron Bay doing local outreach. We did devotions and worship in the morning, beach evangelism in the day, and we would set up our music gear in the night doing live entertainment and sharing the gospel with whomever would come by. The DTS actually wasn't doing to well-- many were discouraged, disappointed, and had an overall feel of hopelessness-- not the best way to do evangelism, admittedly but luckily He works with what He's got.
I went on a walk with the Lord and I just started venting my frustrations. I started praying down conviction, and working myself up in a frenzy-- In retrospect, probably because it made me feel better.
When I shut my mouth and kept walking the Lord said this to me and brought the His gentle presence in conviction, "Son, you have been negligent."
I'm like, "WHAT? Me negligent? I am working hard, spending time with people, sharing the gospel.. Negligent?"
He said, "You've been negligent in showing my sons and daughters how you love Me."
And then the revelation set in.

I had been so preoccupied in making students become ministers-- people who move in the power of God, by His Spirit and transforming lives, cities, nations I had lost sight of what was most important. As convictions sets in, 1 Corinthians 13:1 comes crushing into my mind shattering my ideas of importance and priorities to bits-- "Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I have become sounding brass or a clanging cymbal." I mean, how many times have I read that verse and how many times has the depth of it's meaning completely passed over me imparting no change whatsoever? How many times have those words been nothing but nice literature to be read at a wedding? But this is the reality that is put forth for us who are called children of God.

All the spiritual gifts count as nothing is I have not love.
All my works are dead without faith expressing itself in love.
I mean, what would my life look like if I lived by that revelation? What would my life look like if I stopped putting priority on the wrong things and I keep the first commandment first? What kind of leader would I be if Jesus was my first love and my sole concern for those I led was that they would know the depth, the width, and the height of the love of God being given to them as beloved children of the Most High?
It sounds simple. It is. But the working out of this reality in my life is where it gets complicated.
I get so busy trying to please this view of God I have-- that He is a task-master waiting to be handed polished, refined works of art made by my hands and my time alone-- and when I fail at that, my ability to please Him and receive His love is squandered.
But the provoking conviction points to another view of this Father I have.
He suffers long, He is kind, He does not envy, He is not proud, He is not puffed up, He does not behave rudely, He does not seek His own, He is not easily angered, He thinks no evil, He does not rejoice in iniquity but rejoices in all truth, He bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, and He endures all things.

Later that night I went out onto the beach with one of my guys.
We had a guitar and an ukulele. You see, this kid is a unique one. He doesn't like the traditional way of doing things. So our times of catching up has become grabbing two instruments and singing a conversation to one another. This isn't the only adaptation I've made for him. From day one I have sacrificed every idea of discipleship that I have to reach this kid.
We looked out at the stars, we sang about some silly things, and some serious things.

As we're sitting there, the warm convicting presence of God comes upon me. Father says to me, "Apologize to him."
I look at this kid-- someone I have seen as a project at times, someone I have tried to make a better minister and to whom I have been negligent in showing God's love. I put my ukulele down and look at him and say this, "Listen, I need to ask your forgiveness for something." The guitar resonates with one last pluck of the fingers and I know I have his attention as he looks to me, and the instrument silences. As I open my mouth, something really strange happens. My heart explodes. I start weeping and the following statements come out in sentence fragments as I begin to get a glimpse of how much my Father really cares for my little brother..
"I haven't shown you how I love Jesus. I have been so concerned with you learning to be a better minister, to be a better person that I've missed the point of it all. The truth is I don't care whether you prophesy, whether you speak in tongues, whether you heal people or not-- If you don't know God's love none of that matters. My one desire for you is that you would know God and be known by Him.. And He loves you so, so much.. More than you'll ever know."

At this point, my tears begin to subside. I may have said a few more things, I don't remember to be honest. I remember him asking me a few questions none of which I had the answer to. I had no magical answers for him. I had no perfect prayers. I had one confession and a re-ignited commitment to be a person who shows and walks in the love of my Father.
This guy had been struggling for months. He was bound by rejection, unbelief and fear. He would hardly smile, he would hardly laugh, and he would hardly participate in worship. But something happened that night. Father showed His love to this kid, and the next day I felt like I had met a new person. He laughed! He smiled! He had caught a glimpse of God that had been enough for him to go off of that He started talking to strangers about Jesus, and He started giving His heart in worship.
He isn't perfect.. he still has some issues to work through but he has seen a glimpse of God's love and that is all that was needed to lead him to breakthrough-- Now, this guy whom I dearly love (so much so, I haven't shared his name..) is committed to knowing God and making Him known.

That is the fruit of love.
Thank you Father for never giving up on us, for continually pursuing, for being so patient, kind and gracious to us.
You are so good.