Thursday, May 1, 2008

Provider



Right now I am on the Western coast of Australia. Through an amazing set of circumstances I received provision from God to pursue a dream that was birthed in my heart more than a year ago-- to attend the School of Worship with the intention of pioneering that very school in YWAM Brisbane. 
I'll tell you the truth, over the past few months I was really struggling with the fundamental question that every person on earth will face at one point in their life, christian or not: "Is God who He says He is?" I am told He is good. I am told He is Father. I am told and I read in scriptures these things, and even that He determines the steps of my life as I make plans in my heart (Proverbs 16:9). 
The basis of this struggle came when my outreach team, which originally consisted of 8 people, only departed from Australia with 6 people. We left two of our friends behind because they had not seen God provide for them despite the prayers and confidence that He would. As the leader, I was torn-- I have never seen this happen in YWAM: people not going on outreach solely because of funds (I've found since then, this is an issue in YWAM Global). Our base leaders told us story upon story of God coming through in the unlikeliest of times and in the last minute, and yet we saw no such miracle. 

On my outreach another question that plagued me was this: If God would not provide for my students, will He provide for me? At the time, I had planned to leave to Perth, Western Australia to attend the School of Worship but I needed about $4,000+ to do so. Coming back from Japan, I must confess, I was filled with doubt and unbelief that God would come through for me. I tried my best to raise funds myself, but I really had no time as I was on the road doing local outreach. And coming down to a few weeks before the school would start, I turned to the Father with a prayer of confession. I told Him I didn't believe, but I sincerely wanted to. I told Him I wanted to know Him as my Father. And what do I know of fathers? They are protectors, they are supporters, they are providers and they are releasers. So I appealed to the Lord again and again, and gradually the doubt began to fade, but I think there was still a slight feeling of anxiety over the whole issue. 

Fast forward a few weeks: I brought my needs to the community of YWAMers I live with and they collectively pledged to give me half of what I needed. Somewhere around $2,300.. But I still needed to see almost $2,000 come through in just 3 days. 
I prayed.

Fast forward a few days: Wednesday night a student named Tehillah comes to me and hands me $20 and says to me, "Kelly, I just want you to know that I was praying for you and the Lord told me that you're supposed to be in Perth doing this School of Worship. He told me that you are going." And it was in that moment, a promise was spoken out through my dear sister and all doubt left my heart. I really believed that my Father had heard my cries.
The next morning my parents woke me up at 5:00am to tell me that an anonymous donation of the EXACT amount of money that I needed had been given to me and that I should begin packing my bags! 
I didn't even know what to say. I was at a loss for words.. And yet, my whole being was in awe of God's goodness to me. 
When I told my friends on base, everyone rejoiced with me. We jumped up and down screaming, "The Lord is Good!" 
Now, I am in Perth by the blessing and favor of God. I can really say that I am living in the grace of God, because if it weren't for Him  I would not be here.. For the first few days of being here, I was taken back by this startling revelation; I was overwhelmed by this expression of love from the Father to me. 

I must say though, beyond the financial blessing that found it's way to me I have been more blessed by the Lord's heart to me in this time. I wasn't amazed so much that money was given to me, but that the money was given to me for the sole purpose of God drawing me closer to Himself. I wasn't so astonished that He provided for me, but that in the way He DID provide for me He showed a depth of love and mercy to me that chased out all the doubt and fear in my heart. 

And since being here, there has not been a dull, worthless day. Each day has served it's purpose in bringing me in step closer to Him. I explained to one of my friends in Brisbane, "It's like each day has a new movement of God entirely different than the one before it." 
The 1 overriding theme for this time in Perth that the Lord has revealed to me is "Transformation." And that takes it's form in the purifying of my heart through the conviction of sin, the challenges God has placed before me to begin living out in His ways, the encounter and engagement between God and I, and of course the renewing of my mind by His Holy word. 

I am truly a blessed man to be living here, exactly in the place He prepared for me, receiving His heart for me in this time.
Thank you for your prayers and support.
God bless,
Kelly Arndt