"But I tell you the truth: it is for your good that I am going away. Unless I go away, the Counselor will not come to you; but if I go I will send him to you." John 16:7
Jesus speaks of the Holy Spirit as one who brings truth to all situations and circumstances-- He is the one who brings conviction. There are some very amazing promises that Jesus speaks to the disciples concerning the Holy Spirit becoming an active part of the life of followers of Christ.
Right before I left for my outreach I was given a personal word from the Lord saying that I would soon know His Holy Spirit as Comforter and Counselor. That word was confirmed when my mentor prayed for me one day and prayed the same thing.. From day one of my outreach to Japan I was in eager expectation of seeing the Holy Spirit become real to me in these two ways-- Counselor and Comforter.
Little did I know, that in order to be comforted you must be in pain. In order to be counseled, you have to go through tough situations where you NEED counsel. I did not know what it was going to take of me in order to see the fulfillment of this word from the Lord.
Being a leader is no easy thing. Much less, being a young leader. I am the leader of an outreach team in which every person on my team is older than me. All of them fall between the ages of 21-24. Some have gone through college, some have gone through some intense life experiences which I have little to no grid for.
Leading this outreach to the nation of Japan was the hardest thing I have ever done. Here are other dynamics that make leading my team a hard job:
-Each member of my team is what they call a 'natural leader' which means that are not the best followers. They often think THEY have the best course of action regardless of whether they do or not.
-In Japan there is a stronghold of fear of failure which is most destructive to it's leaders. Many Japanese business men (CEO's or board directors particularly), if they make ONE mistake, will kill themselves because the shame is too great.
-My team is naturally quick to criticize and slow to receive advice.
There are many other things as well, but I don't want to spend this blog point out faults in other people. I only share the difficulties and dynamics of my team so that you can have context for how I felt day in and day out.
Now, despite that I felt judged, hurt and under appreciated, I sought the Lord to be a man who speaks life and who continuously blesses. I felt the Lord challenge me to faithfully pray for my team two times a day: in the morning when I wake and in the evening before I sleep. I did as he directed, and even in the toughest time I was able to receive His heart for what we were doing and where we were headed.
We spent 2 weeks in Osaka, which was really a lot of busywork. We were able to see fruit of our relationships nonetheless- Many people told us they were blessed and challenged by us. One lady gave her life to the Lord the day after we left.
We also led worship several times, did some evangelistic concerts, we did construction, we helped with preschools and taught english to adults.
When we moved to Tokyo, there was a totally different dynamic. Instead of working with one church, we worked with several different ministries around Tokyo. It was in Tokyo that I really had the time to dig into my God times and seek the Lord on all that I felt Him speaking to me.
Every day in Tokyo felt like a battle. I was in a constant state of warfare for my team-- many were falling into depression, loneliness, bitterness amongst other things. Yet, we kept persevering, we kept serving and we kept worshiping Jesus.
One day in the second week, every single person in my outreach team had personal issues surface in their lives. It was like we were ambushed. I had to take a large portion of my day in intercession and worship for my team and in the evening I had to take over a large portion of the ministry so that we could keep persevering. I was without answers, to say the least, I had no clear view of where God wanted to go. But I persisted in my pursuit of Him, and stood on the promise He gave to me-- I was going to know Him as COUNSELOR.
Funny thing about His counsel-- Often rather than giving me words or a straight answer, He would reveal to me His heart for a person. Or He would show me His character. And then from being so close to His heart I knew in which way to approach an individual. I suddenly knew how to talk to people. It doesn't mean I was perfect, but I was listening to what the Spirit was saying and showing to me and acting on it as best as I knew how.
On that particular day, there were also personal issues that flared up in me: festering wounds from the past. Two people on my outreach team would say or do things that would bring up old memories of all sorts of lies and false emotions that the enemy had plagued me with when I was younger and my heart was breaking. Every night I pursued the Lord, asking Him to take away the pain and to help me.. I just worshiped.. I just prayed.. And often times, I didn't receive an answer. But I did receive His comfort. Most of the time His comfort came in the form of His presence-- He showed me that He cared because He was there. Twice He showed me a picture of His healing power that He was releasing into my heart. One day, I prayed out loud-- "Lord this pain is unbearable! Yet, I am so glad that I can know your love in the midst of my pain.. Thank you God.."
A few times His comfort came in the form of a joke. Or my personal favorite-- He would tell me to do something ridiculous. These things had me laughing for hours..
I saw that His comfort is different than my perception of comfort. The world's comfort often comes with a reassuring word, "It's okay." And then maybe a gift to make the pain go away.
God's comfort comes with His presence and His love. Nothing is more comforting than the Love of God. I felt safe with Him, I felt free with Him. But it is a process.
Now I am back in Australia and the things that used to decimate me and drive me to tears barely feel like a pin prick. His healing is so powerful. He told me once when I was asking Him to take me away from all of the pain, "You can avoid this healing now because of the pain.. But you will have to face this wound someday. Do you want your healing now, or would you rather live crippled?"
Sometimes, we get so comfortable with pain and trouble. We forget that our God is healer and comforter, and His desire is for us to live in freedom in our hearts.
This outreach was the hardest thing I have ever faced, but because of the Spirit of God, I am a freer man today than I was 5 weeks ago.
