Unmerited Favor

So, I led an outreach to India for 7 weeks with 4 students of the MAD DTS (Music Arts and Dance Discipleship Training School).
It was incredible. Absolutely incredible.

Some of you have heard the stories that made our time there so incredible. I'd like to put forth the heart process that stole the cake in my eyes. Honestly, I love seeing the fruit of God coming out in ministry, but when He does something completely transformational, more than just one-off event, it brings joy like nothing else.

So here's my story.

The first week being in India I was looking for the Kingdom to come in power. We were with a local youth group that were so zealous for the Lord. These guys have such passion for God, it was humbling. They were on their break from school and instead of using that time to play games, go visit places or even rest, they chose to plan a week in villages where many had never heard the gospel of the Kingdom or known the love of Jesus. That's astonishing to me!
But in our earnest desire to see signs and wonders, we missed something crucial.

The Lord spoke to me one morning through 1 Corinthians 2:2--"For I determined not to know anything among you except Jesus Christ and Him crucified." I didn't get it at first. But as I began to pray, I realized that something was wrong in me. You see, I had subconsciously started to believe that my sonship in Him must be proved by signs and wonders. I thought that if I prayed harder, was greater in faith, that I would earn the right to minister in the power of the Spirit.
Paul declares, that His one concern was Jesus Christ and all the implications of Jesus' crucifixtion. I began to repent seeing that I was not placing Jesus at the center of it all. I was trying to earn the Kingdom, which is impossible. His love, His Spirit and His Kingdom are given in grace.
I shared with my team my conviction and we all fell into the same conviction, praying and repenting. Then we shared with our translators (the local youth) and they responded in the same way.

The next day I preached the gospel, I shared a story and we invited any who were hungry to receive the love of Christ. Many responded. It was at that moment as I began to pray with those, who in brokenness recognized their need for a Savior, that I realized the power in 1 Corinthians 2:2. When we give Jesus His rightful place in our hearts, every thing else falls into line. We preached Jesus and Him crucified and then the blind were healed, the deaf ears were opened and the demons fled the bodies of those who were tormented.

A couple of weeks later I was still meditating on this verse. Something about it was shattering all my ideas and theology that was founded on anything but Jesus. One morning, I was so frustrated. I just didn't understand why I was making mistakes. Judging, comparing, even lusting at times towards others. How could I experience His Kingdom and still fail so miserably at resisting sin?

He spoke to me the next morning as I began to lead worship. I saw a picture of myself and I was covered in dirty rags. Jesus came to me and began to take away the rags and He began to robe me in new bright, shining clothing. It hit me and I began to weep in my confession and I said something to this extent: 'Guys, I have been so self-righteous. I've been trying to do it all on my own-- the miracles, resisting sin, being a good leader. For some reason, I think that I can earn righteousness.. For some reason I think I can earn gifts from God.. But Jesus is not only the author of my faith.. He is the perfecter. He is my righteousness.." We began to sing to Him, and this time the words of our worship sank so deeply into my heart as I realized the incredible grace He has towards me..

I remember there was one day in particular that in the morning I was full of cynicism and judgement. I repented, and even though I didn't feel like it, I had the responsibility of leading worship later that evening. As I led, the presence of God entered the room so powerfully. The whole time I'm thinking to myself, "I don't deserve this.. I sinned in the morning and Father comes to me in the evening.."
Another time, a similar thing happened but the Lord chose to use me to bring inner healing to girls who had been badly wounded by men in their past, who had been lied to about their beauty and worth. As I prayed over them the Lord spoke so clearly, leading me throughout the process and the whole time I'm thinking to myself, "I don't deserve this. I am a failure and Father uses me to love on His children."

Towards the end of my time in India the phrase came to me in the morning, "Unmerited Favor." I've come to find that is the definition of grace. He started to reveal to me, that despite my failures and faults His affection is so great for me and for His children He will use me even in my weakest, most vulnerable moments.
I am undeserving, but grace says, "You didn't earn this, it's freely given because I love you."

I look back on the 7 weeks and I see a journey with the finger prints of God all over it. People were set free. People came to know Christ' love in powerful ways. People were healed, physically and emotionally. In the past, I would've given myself a pat on the back and been like, "Job well done. What's next?" But now I can't help but remain in awe of Him. How He honors me! How He blesses me! How He loves me!
I mean, I don't even get it sometimes. I can be such a wretch, such a failure and He calls me Beloved. What's up with that? It doesn't make any logical sense, but I guess His love goes deeper than what we know or see.

I wrote this song one evening to try and get out in words what I was feeling. Here are the words:

"You take this heart of stone and give me a heart of flesh
You take this broken man and make me one who is whole
You break all my fears and make me a child of God
And you give love everlasting

All praise, all honor, all glory belongs to You!

All I see is sinfulness but you see a child worth loving
All I see is wickedness but you see a child worth dying for
All I see are mighty giants but you see the courage of David

All praise, all honor, all glory belongs to You!

You prepare a feast for me in the presence of my enemies!"

That last line, "You prepare a feast for me in the presence of my enemies!" pretty well sums up in a picture what my heart is feeling right now. Picture what I'm picturing:

You're all alone. You're covered in battle wounds, your armor is falling off, your arm is almost dead with the weight of the sword you're carrying and you've almost lost all hope. You look around and you are surrounded by 10,000 ranks of nasty, dark, demonic forces who are filled with lust to see you destroyed. Somewhere in the distance you see ranks being thrown aside like waves in the ocean and bounding towards you is your victorious King, Jesus. He approaches you with a picnic basket. All the hordes of hell are in shock as they witness Him. They are stunned by His presence and dare not move an inch. He is not intimidated by them.
He gives a warm smile and a greeting and then sets out a picnic-- a feast prepared for You and Him. You're standing there shocked. What is He thinking? There are 10,000 demons surrounding us and they are probably calling for more help.. He invites you to dig in and dismisses the armies of darkness with one comment, "Don't worry about them. Eat up!"

That's really what it's like. In the midst of all devastation, He brings hope. In the midst of our weakness, He brings strength. In the midst of suffering, He brings joy. In the midst of our failures, His 'love covers a multitude of sins' (Proverbs 10:12, 1 Corinthians 13:7). Grace.

"When we make a mess of things, God comes and cleans up the mess, and then unmesses the messer." Ken Helser

Unmerited favor. For you and I.

Umm.. Love?

So, let me just say this-- I have learned a lot in the last 3 months. A lot about me, a lot about God, a lot about people. I guess 'a lot' is kind of a relative term. I'm only 19, so 'a lot' to me might be 'a little' to you. But I guess when I say 'a lot' I am thinking of the value of the revelation and truth I've received.
But amongst the lot, I am going to choose the one pearl that shines the brightest just for you. (I hope you feel loved..)

Somewhere in October the Lord began to deal ruthlessly with my pride. You see, I had this fantastic idea of myself in being an incredible leader and amazing disciple-maker. I realized that my role in YWAM with DTS (Discipleship Training School) students is more like the influence of an older brother than a seasoned father. After, I realized that I felt very freed to be myself. Go figure.

Now recently the MAD DTS was in Byron Bay doing local outreach. We did devotions and worship in the morning, beach evangelism in the day, and we would set up our music gear in the night doing live entertainment and sharing the gospel with whomever would come by. The DTS actually wasn't doing to well-- many were discouraged, disappointed, and had an overall feel of hopelessness-- not the best way to do evangelism, admittedly but luckily He works with what He's got.
I went on a walk with the Lord and I just started venting my frustrations. I started praying down conviction, and working myself up in a frenzy-- In retrospect, probably because it made me feel better.
When I shut my mouth and kept walking the Lord said this to me and brought the His gentle presence in conviction, "Son, you have been negligent."
I'm like, "WHAT? Me negligent? I am working hard, spending time with people, sharing the gospel.. Negligent?"
He said, "You've been negligent in showing my sons and daughters how you love Me."
And then the revelation set in.

I had been so preoccupied in making students become ministers-- people who move in the power of God, by His Spirit and transforming lives, cities, nations I had lost sight of what was most important. As convictions sets in, 1 Corinthians 13:1 comes crushing into my mind shattering my ideas of importance and priorities to bits-- "Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I have become sounding brass or a clanging cymbal." I mean, how many times have I read that verse and how many times has the depth of it's meaning completely passed over me imparting no change whatsoever? How many times have those words been nothing but nice literature to be read at a wedding? But this is the reality that is put forth for us who are called children of God.

All the spiritual gifts count as nothing is I have not love.
All my works are dead without faith expressing itself in love.
I mean, what would my life look like if I lived by that revelation? What would my life look like if I stopped putting priority on the wrong things and I keep the first commandment first? What kind of leader would I be if Jesus was my first love and my sole concern for those I led was that they would know the depth, the width, and the height of the love of God being given to them as beloved children of the Most High?
It sounds simple. It is. But the working out of this reality in my life is where it gets complicated.
I get so busy trying to please this view of God I have-- that He is a task-master waiting to be handed polished, refined works of art made by my hands and my time alone-- and when I fail at that, my ability to please Him and receive His love is squandered.
But the provoking conviction points to another view of this Father I have.
He suffers long, He is kind, He does not envy, He is not proud, He is not puffed up, He does not behave rudely, He does not seek His own, He is not easily angered, He thinks no evil, He does not rejoice in iniquity but rejoices in all truth, He bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, and He endures all things.

Later that night I went out onto the beach with one of my guys.
We had a guitar and an ukulele. You see, this kid is a unique one. He doesn't like the traditional way of doing things. So our times of catching up has become grabbing two instruments and singing a conversation to one another. This isn't the only adaptation I've made for him. From day one I have sacrificed every idea of discipleship that I have to reach this kid.
We looked out at the stars, we sang about some silly things, and some serious things.

As we're sitting there, the warm convicting presence of God comes upon me. Father says to me, "Apologize to him."
I look at this kid-- someone I have seen as a project at times, someone I have tried to make a better minister and to whom I have been negligent in showing God's love. I put my ukulele down and look at him and say this, "Listen, I need to ask your forgiveness for something." The guitar resonates with one last pluck of the fingers and I know I have his attention as he looks to me, and the instrument silences. As I open my mouth, something really strange happens. My heart explodes. I start weeping and the following statements come out in sentence fragments as I begin to get a glimpse of how much my Father really cares for my little brother..
"I haven't shown you how I love Jesus. I have been so concerned with you learning to be a better minister, to be a better person that I've missed the point of it all. The truth is I don't care whether you prophesy, whether you speak in tongues, whether you heal people or not-- If you don't know God's love none of that matters. My one desire for you is that you would know God and be known by Him.. And He loves you so, so much.. More than you'll ever know."

At this point, my tears begin to subside. I may have said a few more things, I don't remember to be honest. I remember him asking me a few questions none of which I had the answer to. I had no magical answers for him. I had no perfect prayers. I had one confession and a re-ignited commitment to be a person who shows and walks in the love of my Father.
This guy had been struggling for months. He was bound by rejection, unbelief and fear. He would hardly smile, he would hardly laugh, and he would hardly participate in worship. But something happened that night. Father showed His love to this kid, and the next day I felt like I had met a new person. He laughed! He smiled! He had caught a glimpse of God that had been enough for him to go off of that He started talking to strangers about Jesus, and He started giving His heart in worship.
He isn't perfect.. he still has some issues to work through but he has seen a glimpse of God's love and that is all that was needed to lead him to breakthrough-- Now, this guy whom I dearly love (so much so, I haven't shared his name..) is committed to knowing God and making Him known.

That is the fruit of love.
Thank you Father for never giving up on us, for continually pursuing, for being so patient, kind and gracious to us.
You are so good.

Bottles of Perfume

We embarked on a journey of 24 hours of worship and intercession in order to prepare our hearts for the overseas outreach we will be going on in a little less than two weeks. India, Japan, and Canada are about to receive teams from our base full of passionate hunger for the Lord and zeal to see His name known. During this time, the Lord spoke to me about extravagant love through a passage in the Gospel of John. This is where He has led us.

John 11, 12:1-8

Here is the scene. Jesus knows His friend Lazarus is dead. He chooses to go to Bethany where He had almost been stoned before, despite the apparent concern and fear His disciples have (John 11:8,16). He declares that He needs to wake Lazarus up-- which means He has a revelation in store for His followers about the kind of person He really is.

He goes to Bethany. As soon as He enters the town, Martha gets to Him quickly and informs Him that the funeral for Lazarus has been going on for 4 days. She knows that Jesus is a Rabbi who holds the words of life-- She has seen Him heal the blind and she believes deep in her heart that Jesus might be this Christ-King the Jews have been waiting for centuries to see come and restore the majesty of Israel. Her declaration is this-- 'If you would've been here, Lazarus wouldn't have died.' She recognized the power of life that Jesus had in His words.. But here Jesus reveals something new- His declaration that Lazarus will rise again is not a theological concept but a present reality-- for He is the resurrection and the life.

Mary runs to find Jesus. Her friends think she's in another fanatical fit of mourning over her brother and that she is probably heading to the tomb to weep. But she goes to Jesus. She meets Him with brokenness and in worship. She falls at His feet and declares in faith that Lazarus would have lived in Jesus' presence.
His response to her brokenness was compassion. He wept. He followed her to the grave seemingly for a visit, but He had something else in mind. He commands them to roll away the stone. Daring to embrace the stench of 4 days of rotting corpse, they comply with His request. They remove the rock, the barrier. Jesus calls forth Lazarus, and the Lord's declaration about Himself, 'I am the Resurrection Life' echoes into eternity as Lazarus steps forth from the grave.
This is Jesus.

Jesus visits this family again six days before Passover. Here Martha serves, Lazarus soaks up time with Jesus and Mary bestows upon Him the most extravagant gift she could give to show how full of thankfulness and adoration her heart is. This bottle of perfume is worth at least a year's wages, and in one instance the year's wealth is wasted on the feet of this man Jesus.
Judas complains. Jesus silences the complainer and receives the gift with a greatful heart.
This is Jesus, the Resurrection Life, the Conquering King, the Lovesick Bridegroom, the Prince of Peace, the Pure Lamb.
He deserves the most extravagant expressions of love from our hearts-- bottles of perfume poured over His feet without hesitation in adoration of Him.

May we be a people who give ourselves, who break open the bottles of perfume to pour out upon His feet, who love with heart in complete abandon to Him. May we be a people who's thankfulness and adoration manifests in the deepest expressions of love the world has ever seen or could know. May we be a people filled with affection for Christ Jesus above all else-- may He be the first love of our hearts and the ultimate choice we make every day.
Amen.

To Whom Credit Is Due

"Whoever confesses that Jesus is the son of God, God abides in him, and he in God. And we have known and believed the love that God has for us. God is love, and he who abides in love abides in God, and God in him." 1 John 4:15,16

As many of you know, we have seen some cool things happening in the community where I live lately. There has been true healing, there has been true deliverance, there has been prophetic words that have been revealed by God and shown to be true.
When the kingdom of God begins to manifest in this way, it is really easy to want to take credit for it. The temptation begins in a very subtle way: "I prayed and God moved." While this may be true, I have to say this statement comes from a place of humility. If there is any ounce of pride in my heart than this statement actually means, "Look God has honored my greatness." I'll be honest, I have fallen to this temptation before. And the Lord has convicted me of it.

It's exciting to be apart of the things of God. I am constantly blown away by the fact that God chooses to use we who are imperfect, messy and immature to show His power-- "the foolishness of God is wiser than man's wisdom and the weakness of God is stronger than man's strength." (1 Corinthians 1:25)--it is His way of bringing glory to Himself and to usher us into a strong, dependent relationship between us an Him. While God responds to our prayers and hears our cries, it is His Spirit that performs the works --not anything that is within me. This is the reality of Galations 2:20, "I no longer live but Christ lives in me.." I must come to the revelation that I am the vessel of the life of Christ and from that reality all things natural and supernatural will flow.

Something hit me the other day as I was reading about different spiritual gifts in Romans 12:
I am not gifted. I am made a giver.
Paul describes different types of gifts: prophecy, service, teaching, ect. All are capable of functioning in these things. Somewhere along the road, I think we have been taught that God gives the gift of prophecy to an individual and they become 'gifted.' They become this thing that we believe is unattainable to us who are not 'as gifted.' Prophecy is a gift, but it is a gift that is given to the individual receiving the prophecy, not the one who is receives the revelation. If I give a prophetic word, I am giving a gift. I have the Spirit of Christ within me. He dwells with me and I dwell in Him. It is Him who is the prophet, and it is Him who chooses to manifest prophetically through me. He does choose some who will minister different ways more consistently than others, but this is not because we are more unique or gifted than others-- this is destiny; spiritual authority is given according to our obedience and the assignments which God gives us to. In my experience, faith is like a muscle. We have to work it out and the more we do so, the more capable we are in ministering and co-operating with the Spirit of God.

Now if I live in this reality, that it is not by anything of me but by all that is of Him, I am safe in humility. It is when I fall into the thinking that I accomplish the things of God by my own means and my own giftedness that I fall into the temptation of pride and begin a painful journey of the flesh where I must learn that "God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble." (Proverbs 3:34)
The safest place is the humble place. It is when we are in humility we receive the grace of the Lord. This is the lesson I continually learn, and my prayer is this: "Lord, keep me in humility that I may forever receive your amazing, freeing grace!"

It is God to whom credit it due. Give Him the glory, give Him the praise!

Expectancy

Well, it's been a while since I have updated this little blog, mainly due to the fact I was able to share with many of you personally while I was home in August. There has been a lot going on in Brisbane since then, but I thought it would be cool to share about the latest happenings in our community.

Life is getting busy. We have the MAD DTS starting up today and the students will be arriving between now and then. We're doing our best to be prepared: cleaning, finishing our paperwork for student assignments, praying as a staff team, interceding, and also we are helping to launch a new ministry on our YWAM Base called EPIC (which is a youth ministry, reaching out to locals). Between my staff schedule, leading worship, and going into the city for evangelism the week gets pretty full.

One thing I have been seeking the Lord for is simply MORE. I want more of Him. More love, more signs and wonders, more prophetic words, more glory, more salvation. If it's of God, I want it. I've been praying quite consistently for the past 3 months for the MORE. Specifically, I've been wanting to see an active life of evangelism and worship where supernatural things occur. We go into the city to do treasure hunts (this is a type of evangelism that relies heavily on waiting on the Lord for guidance and then approaching people based on what is received from or felt from God) on Friday or Saturday night every weekend and we've had some success and some failure with that. To be honest, I had been growing a little disappointed. It seemed that whether I prayed my guts out or not there was little results to be seen. Nonetheless, in all of my quiet times I had felt God provoking me and challenging me to be expectant with Him.
To expect is to regard something as likely to happen. The latin root for the word means 'to look out'. I believe this word describes the beginning of faith in Hebrews 11:1- "Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see."
Unfortunately, we sometimes confuse expectation with presumption.
To presume is unwarranted boldness, to take liberties or unjustified demands. The latin for this is "take for granted."

God's invitation into His heart is paved in faith. It requires that when we pray, we expect our prayers to be heard and activated. It requires that we stand in our place as sons of the Almighty God (see all of Romans 8, Ephesians 1,2, Galations 2:20) and with ours hearts before God to offer our lives as living sacrifice in every aspect-- including that which our flesh is most afraid of.
Much easier to say than to do.

We've gone into the city a few times. The 1st time we had 9 words of knowledge and only two people allowed us to pray for them-- one was healed the next week. The 2nd time we went into the city we had no luck-- no one would talk to us, we couldn't seem to receive anything from the Lord so we just prayed for the city.
We went in a few other times with little success, other than a little confirmation that we had heard God's voice and the feeling that God was pleased and excited that we were taking initiative.

The other day I was out in the park late at night praying to the Lord. I was struggling with disappointment in not seeing prayers answered and also just being let down by some friends around me. I cried out to the Lord in my moment of feeling totally alone and discouraged and He responded with this: "Satisfaction in me breaks the yoke of disappointment."
I was stunned. I had been more concerned in results than in intimacy.
I cried out for God. I worshiped Him. I opened my heart up to Him and I enjoyed the presence of my Father.

The next couple of days I noticed there had been a breakthrough. I wasn't burdened any longer! I was free to enjoy the Lord without feeling like a failure as a minister of Christ.
A couple of mornings later we gathered as a base to have our weekly morning intercession. One of my friends (who was leading the morning) asked if I could lead worship. I grabbed a guitar but wasn't feeling too ready. I was functioning on little sleep and small quiet time in the morning. Luckily, God is bigger than whether I am tired or well prepared.
We began to worship and I shared a word about expectancy-- Realizing that when we worship we are encountering the Risen Lord Jesus Christ. It is His Presence, it is His Holy Spirit. It is the Uncreated God inhabiting our praise.
Some people around the room began to respond crying for MORE of God.

As I was singing a song, I all the sudden became aware that healing was on God's heart. I saw a picture of my BLS leader's back being healed (as she had strained it and could barely move her body without feeling pain). I opened my eyes to see two girls praying over her. I shared another impression I received for someone's healing in the left part of their back, and someone raised their hand. We gathered around her. Another girl in the room went to a friend in the room and asked for prayer for her knees.
The presence of God was so strong in the room and I was overwhelmed with joy. I had to put my guitar down and let Amber (fellow MAD Staff) take over on piano and I just began to worship. God began to move. People were sharing words that brought freedom and life with one another and at the end of the meeting two of the three girls who were prayed for testified to the healing power of Jesus!

I was walking home later that night and realized, "This is only the beginning."
I cried out for more, and I am still crying out for more.
The great thing is, the Lord hears and responds to our cries.

On the Move.

It's been two and half weeks since I've returned to Brisbane after studying in the School of Worship with YWAM Perth. The day I returned I was met with the warmth of my friends who have become my family and also another new arrival on our staff team-- my friend Bonner Wolf (cool name, yeah?).
Bonner and I met last year as he was doing a Beach to Bush Discipleship Training School (DTS) led by one of my dear friends, Adam Marshall. We immediately connected. We both are passionate about worship and living out the principles of the kingdom of God. We both desire to be transformed into the likeness of Christ and see the nations come to the revelation of the salvation and complete Lordship of Jesus. Plus, he plays lots of music and sings a fair bit too. Good match.

I jumped right into the flow of the YWAM Brisbane life. I began with doing some training on how to assess and faciliate different activities for the up-coming MAD DTS. It was kinda boring, but necessary for government reasons so I'm in!
Bonner and I were asked to lead worship on the 'Open Meeting' we hold every first Wednesday of the month. We were stoked!
We spent some time in prayer and picked out some different songs, as per usual. During worship I saw there was a lot of 'heaviness' in the group. Although, the Lord was moving in my heart strongly, there wasn't breakthrough to the presence of God corporately. We finished worship, one of our guest speakers gave a message and when the ministry time began we jumped back to our instruments. We knew the evening wasn't over.

Most people left the meeting with the exception of 13-15 people. Bonner, Noah and I began to worship as the few before us began to receive ministry and come before God asking for His Father heart revelation. This is where the breakthrough was. Before we knew it, the Holy Spirit swept us away into His sweet presence. God began to speak through us and we spontaneously sang the Father's heart over His children. Some wept, some simply embraced God's presence by giving their whole heart to Him or lifting their voice in prayer.

Fast forward to the next Monday. I was leading worship for the community, this time with a new crew. I asked my friend Adam (see a few paragraphs above) to lead out in prayer and facilitate any sort of words, pictures or scriptures the community might receive from the Lord. Worship began much the same as the Open Meeting. Heavy. This time I was prepared for it. I kept singing. Louder. Harder. Putting my whole being into the song. Letting my heart overflow into the songs we sang. A few words were shared by the response of the community was small, at best. At one point one of our students confessed to struggling with addiction and the absolute hopelessness he felt in battling it. We surrounded him in prayer and then joined in a Hillsong chorus, "Chains be broken, lives be healed, eyes be opened-- Christ is revealed." This went on for some time, and there was a distinct corporate presence of God at work in the community. We all joined in a few more songs and then ended and moved on with the morning.

Later that day, Bonner, Adam and I were worshiping-- seeking the Lord in prayer and song. Earlier that morning God has spoken to Adam to take up intercession for the base. We were going to meet every morning. So we did. And sometimes in the afternoon too. Over the two weeks Bonner and I frequently encountered the Lord sharing glimpses of His incredible heart for YWAM Brisbane, for us, for the nations, for the city around us.. and it was absolutely breathtaking to see even the small things that the Lord was doing.
In the mornings as we sought the Lord in prayer, we found God was rising up in us a warring spirit. We prayed hard, we worshiped hard, holding nothing back-- exactly as He deserved.

Fast forward to Thursday night. We decided to make Thursday nights an 'Encounter God' night. No agenda, no program-- just coming before the Lord and offering our hearts in prayer and worship. Once again, Noah, Bonner and I were leading the worship. This time Bonner and I had spent the afternoon seeking the Lord and we received a lot of scriptures. We declared them over each other and the community and as we focused on God and we received a few glimpses of His heart for the evening. It can be summed up in this: Surrender.
Not going to be easy.

And it wasn't. As soon as people started filing into the room we felt the heaviness creep back in. We felt squashed with the darkness. But of course, we began the worship knowing that all it takes is for the Lord's light to come in and all darkness flees.
I worshiped. I prayed. And the Lord showed Adam and I a bit of what was going on. Really, we were just waiting for the Holy Spirit to do something, because we don't really have it in our flesh to conjure up anything powerful. We prayed and prayed and slowly we saw people start to enter in. Then it happened-- what we had been waiting for, praying for-- the Presence of God fell. The Lord spoke to a few in the room about fear, some about the Spirit of God wanting to erupt and Adam brought focus to the Lordship of Christ. God spoke and said He wanted to release His spirit. I followed Him and repeated what He had given me. Maybe 7 people step forward. Andy, Adam, Bonner and I begin to pray all it once inviting the Holy Spirit in. And then something miraculous happens: chains break, lives are healed, promises are spoken, love is bestowed on the frail and week. God is on the move.
Bonner and I shared a few words and even as we all began to pray and lift up the Lord, His spirit moved within us in marvelous ways.

Then we went deeper. Bonner and I shared about a song we wrote: "Receive your reward, Lamb of God! You deserve it all, Lamb of God!" And everyone took the knee. We bowed before the Lord, surrendering our hearts, some for for surrendering once again and some for the first time. This is where the greatest love of God was poured out to us and also His heart for the nations.
He spoke, we obeyed and He moved.
After only two days of prayer, we saw an outpouring of the Holy Spirit to His people who were bound by fear, chained by circumstance and hopeless without vision. He broke through in a moment and was able to capture the hearts of all His children with just one glimpse of His glory.
How great is our God?

At the moment, we are still praying every morning, seeking in the afternoon in spontaneous worship and in the evening finding God in our secret place with the Father because we know the Lord is wanting to go deeper, show more of Himself and equip us to take His gospel to a lost and broken world.

God is on the move.

Compassion and Holiness

There have been two main things that every lecture, worship session and pray time have pointed back to through this incredible journey on the School of Worship. Compassion and Holiness. 

It's important to note that 10 weeks ago, I was unaware of the absolute necessity to a missionary's life these to aspects of God's heart are. In fact, it's safe to say that I gave little thought to compassion and I treated holiness, or the fear of God, as a motivation rather than a consistent exercise of faith. 

Compassion. If you're like me, this word conjures up guilty feelings. I think of the times when I had been watching Friends when I was younger, for 3 straight hours on TV and then a commercial would come on about orphans in Africa or a commercial about aids, or something to do with a global injustice that seemed extremely distant from my small teenage life. My response: Turn the channel. Those commercials were painful to watch. And why were they painful? Because deep within me I knew that something needed to be done and despite the excuses I came up with, God's heart was with them.  

"We need to be seriously disturbed by things that God is disturbed by," John Bills (a YWAM global leader, teacher, and missionary) says. He talks about compassion according to scripture as something entirely different than pity. Compassion demands action. The greek word for compassion means 'with suffering'-- and it is in essence, opening yourself up the suffering of another person and allowing your heart to connect. But God's compassion means that He feels entirely the suffering (and probably much, much more) of the individual and then He seeks to respond in an action. For us, it means to join with God in prayer. From the place of prayer God may move us to go a step further: give money, resources, skills, teaching, or maybe our life to a cause or a person. 

This message of compassion came to me on day 2 of the School of Worship. My heart's response was a prayer of help: 'God, I want your heart. I open myself up to you, and I want to be seriously disturbed by what disturbs you. Give me your compassion.'

I can't tell you how many times the Holy Spirit pointed to this message over the following 9 weeks! He kept bringing us back this place- LOVE OTHERS. GIVE YOURSELF TO MY PEOPLE. LOOK ON YOUR NEIGHBORS WITH COMPASSION. 

Many times in worship we were broken over some of the disasters in Burma and in China and at times we were broken over the lost. 

Until about 8 weeks ago I absolutely hated evangelism. I still find street evangelism incredibly uncomfortable, but I am overwhelmed by the Father's heart for His people. This amazing love that He has for us all, compels me to go and have a few awkward conversations just for the opportunity that God may use me to reach one of His loved ones. 

Holiness. Here's another one of those words that conjures up guilty feels, as it should, actually. I think of the failures recent and past, even after times of victory. I think of the path before me which is certainly not an easy one. I could probably write pages on this subject, because this part of God may have been the most impacting thing of all I have received here, but I will only write of one or two things that have grabbed me. 

To put it simply: God is Holy. Without sin. Pure. No blemish, no wrong, no temptation to do evil. 'Holy' means set apart-- He is set apart from evil-- there is no darkness in Him, and He is full of light.

Now, when I pray the prayer, "God I want to be close to you. I want to know you in the most intimate of ways."-- I am actually asking for conviction. To come close to a Holy God means I have to be made holy. I've mentioned before God's convicting work feeling similar to that scripture in Malachi 3-- Where it speaks of conviction as the refiner's fire, and the launder's soap. The implications of this are amazing: it's not easy to give up sin. In fact, it conviction causes us to give up what we want-- to 'die' to our sinful desires and fleshly wants so that we can have a greater capacity to receive God's love. You see, God's love is for us %100-- all of the time. I can receive the fullness of it at any point. The only thing that changes is my capacity to receive His love-- which is holiness. It is fearing the Lord. It is to hate sin. It is to delcare war against my flesh and my emotions and to choose to fellowship with the truth and the light, that is found in Jesus. 

Another thing that has struck me-- Apathy leads to death. We took a look at some certain occasions in the Old Testament where it looks like God was really harsh with His people. At one point, He consumes Aaron's two sons with holy fire because they did a procedure wrong in the Tent of Meeting. At another point, He kills Uzzah for trying to steady the Ark of the Convenant. There are plenty of explanations as to why God's wrath would be against these people in these events, but the explanations relate to one root problem-- The Israelites invited a Holy God into their midst and then dealt with Him passively, apathetically. God deserves nothing but the BEST (see the story of Cain and Abel..). My passivity is an insult to His grace to me. 

Here's another way of looking at it. Most people have a problem with God because they think He is apathetic. A non-believer's first argument against the gospel: "If God is so loving, why are there people starving in Africa?" They think He is up sitting on His throne watching the world ruin itself and that He has little care for man kind.

This is not so! We who know Him, know this to be true. God is intensely, intimately involved in every moment, every area and every part of every person's life. He is always there. All the time. The Psalms say, He knows us from when we were  conceived in the womb and He knows the number of hairs on our heads! This is the God we serve. He hates injustice. He hates how poverty destroys His people while there is more than enough wealth and food to benefit all man-kind. He hates sin and what it does to people. Yet, he honors free choice. He WANTS to use us to be the answer, and to be the very hands and feet of our prayers. 

Apathy and passivity towards life, people, work-- it is opposite of what God is. It belongs to the enemy. This has been the largest battle that I have fought for that past 10 weeks. I have recognized so many areas in my heart that I have become apathetic in: relationships, chores, even at some points prayer meetings or worship times. Once the Lord showed me, apathy is the first step towards sin. As soon as I let my guard down and entertain any kind of temptation I have begun the fall into sin. 

Compassion and Holiness. 

To feel as God does, involving myself with those hurting around me and to live a life passionately at war against sin and destruction, in reverence, and in fearing God.